Showing Up:
Why I Support Gretchen Whitmer
I first met Gretchen Whitmer at the 2016 Michigan Democratic Party Legacy Dinner. Or really, that’s the first time we met in person. I was a giddy fan girl that evening, because Gretchen’s reputation as a progressive Michigan icon had preceded her.
I first learned about Gretchen when she helped organize a response to Representatives Lisa Brown and Barb Byrum being silenced on the House Floor. Lisa was barred from speaking on the floor after using the word “vagina” when voicing dissent of an anti-choice bill that was being proposed by the Republican legislature, and Barb was silenced after attempting to introduce an amendment to the anti-choice bill, which would have banned men from getting a vasectomy unless the sterilization procedure was necessary to save the man’s life. Lisa, Barb, Gretchen and the rest of the progressive women in the legislature organized an emergency rally, and even got the legendary Eve Ensler to show up! They all performed “The Vagina Monologues” on the steps of the Michigan State Capitol, as the biggest, loudest, and most definitive clap back to the Republicans who had the nerve to propose legislation over our bodies, but couldn’t tolerate hearing the anatomically correct names for body parts. It was June 18, 2012, and I was incredibly pregnant with my youngest (see above for proof. Huge.) But, being a former VM performer myself in college, I wouldn’t have missed the progressive women representing our state performing it for anything! I knew right then, every woman on those steps, who rallied behind their colleagues who had been wrongfully shut down, would be the kind of women who would always show up for me, my sisters and my daughters, including the one I was baking at the time.
The next time Gretchen Whitmer showed up on my radar was in 2013. Again, the Republican legislature was trying to pass harmful, anti-choice legislation. They were pushing through a bill that would prohibit any insurance, including private insurance, from covering abortion services. This bill asked women to purchase a special “abortion rider” for their insurance, essentially asking women to expect the unexpected. Not only was this an undue burden on women and worthy of condemnation on merit alone, but it brought up an emotional, and highly personal issue for Gretchen, too. In order to speak on behalf of those put at risk by this bill, Gretchen took to the floor of the senate, and shared her own personal story of sexual assault. I was shocked and shaken to my core. Now, this is not something that I have discussed much publicly, but #MeToo. As a fellow survivor of sexual assault, I saw in Gretchen that day someone who had been in my shoes, faced what I faced, and lived to fight another day. I saw in Gretchen a woman who was not afraid to face the questions, the backlash, and the scrutiny she would certainly receive for opening this door. She spoke out, with gravitas and gusto, against the misogynistic, paternalistic and insulting bill being forced on the women of Michigan. When I watched this happen, my jaw dropped, and I couldn’t hold back an avalanche of tears.
Flash forward to October 2017, and the #MeToo movement has triggered my PTSD, every single day. I stopped sleeping, I couldn’t focus on anything, let alone my own campaign for State Senate. While I knew it was an important movement for sexual assault survivors everywhere, it was also incredibly hard to face the horrible cascade of news stories we all lived through over and over again every day. At the peak of my struggle, I reached out to Gretchen. We had become good friends, and I knew there were few people who might be able to relate to what I was dealing with: being a survivor, being a public figure, and running a campaign. Despite being incredibly busy, you know, running for Governor, Gretchen took the time to talk me down, give me support, and offer me comfort and solace during those incredibly rough days. I won’t ever, ever forget her kindness to me. She showed up for me in one of the most personal, sensitive and complex times in my life, and that kind of love stays with you.
You know what else I will never forget? Gretchen showing up for my daughter, Sadie. Two years ago, Sadie, who has for years been a gender non-conforming kid, was facing bullying at school. It culminated in two of her classmates threatening to force-ably remove her undergarments, and put questions regarding her anatomy to rest, once and for all. Not long after this occurred, Sadie first met Gretchen when our family attended an event for Nicole Bedi (as Gretchen was traversing the state in 2016, supporting Democrats up and down the ticket.)
As I was still reeling from this experience (which was handled swiftly, seriously and thoughtfully by Sadie’s teacher and principal) and knowing about Gretchen’s past work on school anti-bullying bills, I shared this story with Gretchen. She was just as horrified as I was. She called Sadie over, got down on her level, and talked to her. She told Sadie she would always have her back, and gave her one of the best pep talks any adult could have given her. Ever since that first meeting, Gretchen seemed to hold a special place in her heart for Sadie. She sends Sadie encouraging notes, and little encouraging trinkets, just to boost my Sadie’s confidence, and remind her that she has a friend.
Following the election of Donald Trump, Sadie was in a panic. She was afraid that Trump would pass a law that made it ok for kids to bully her again. (As much as I try to shield my kids from Trump and his rhetoric, his affinity for bullying is not lost on my kids.) I assured her that her mother would always have her back, and that she has friends like Gretchen Whitmer, who has already stood up to bullies, and who would never let anyone pass laws like that in Michigan. Sadie asked to call Gretchen on the phone, just to be sure. Gretchen talked her down, and let her know that she would make sure Sadie, and all kids like her, were free from bullies. To this day, Sadie calls Gretchen her “best friend.” Sadie definitely shows up for Gretchen, even wearing the socks she got at MDP Nominating Convention with her best friend’s face on them, at our neighborhood’s 4th of July parade.
So not only has Gretchen shown up for me, and my kids (Sadie in particular) time and again, she continues to show up for the people in Michigan.
I know we don’t like to talk about it, but go back to “the day after.”
November 9, 2016 was a horrible day. I think we all fell apart a bit. I gave myself one day to collapse into the couch, cry and try to talk down everyone blowing up my phone. Come November 10, 2016 it became clear. The people of Michigan, especially the women, were hurting. They needed a leader, they needed a way to channel their despair into action. I called the most powerful women I have the honor of being friends with: Gretchen Whitmer and Rep. Christine Greig. I told them both “You are our leaders now. The women in Michigan need your guidance. We need to find a way to use their newly lit belly fires and direct it to organizations doing the work on causes we hold most dear.” They said “you organize it, we’ll be there!” So exactly a month after that first phone call, we held our first Women Organize Michigan Summit on December 10, 2016, in Royal Oak with about 800 of our closest friends.
For all of 2017 and into February 2018, Women Organize Michigan put together amazing gatherings of newly motivated activists all around the state. Gretchen showed up for every, single, one! All across the state we had women-led organizations come together and talk about how we can best support each other. We knew what was coming our way was going to be ugly. We knew that the causes we cared most about: women’s rights, LGBTQ rights, civil rights, Muslim rights, immigrant rights, gun safety, reproductive rights; would all have a big ol’ target on their backs. We were bracing for the worst, but we started to feel a little better knowing we were not alone, and that we were not without leaders.
Gretchen emerged as our natural leader, and in fact, a leader among leaders. She was always able to deliver a simple, unifying message : “we are all in this together, and we have to show up for each others’ fights”. The news of these summits spread, and even drew the attention of national leaders in the progressive movement, including the one and only Sen. Elizabeth Warren! (I had the honor of introducing the two of them to each other, and it was a moment I will never forget.)
Gretchen has done such a great job of showing up for me, my family and my fights. In return, I have tried to look for ways to repay her courage, kindness and generosity. I haven’t quite found anything that compares to what she’s done for me personally, and what she’s done for all of us in Michigan.
Last year, I thought of a small “thank you.” I wanted to give Gretchen a surprise for her birthday, which I hoped would be a nice break from the endless hours of “call time” she had to do for campaign fundraising. So, we decided to bring her and her campaign staff a home cooked lunch, courtesy of my hubby, Chef Ben, and some birthday cupcakes, courtesy of the Pulver kids. Gretchen was incredibly grateful, and of course, send a lovely, handwritten thank you note afterwards.
I realized though, Ben’s amazing food almost a year ago isn’t enough. So, even though I’m busy running my own campaign, I’ve tried to show up for Gretchen as much as I can. My older daughters and I made sure to come out and support Gretchen this January at the rally at Whitmer HQ on January 21, 2018. It was a year to the day that Gretchen rallied us at the Women’s March on Lansing, and we wouldn’t have missed showing up to support her this year for anything.
And even though her time continues to be extremely tight (because, you know, running for governor…) she continues to show up not just for me, but for my family.
Here’s another example: My cousin Ken recently graduated with his degree in massage therapy. Gretchen met Ken and his partner Ron when she was visiting Benton Harbor. They heard her speak, were instantly impressed with her, and have been#TeamGretchen ever since. They got a chance to talk with her after her speech, and during that talk, Gretchen learned that Ken was about to graduate with this degree in massage therapy. They discussed how important it was for these kinds of training opportunities not just for young students, but for those looking for a new career mid-life. And you know what? Gretchen took time out of her incredibly busy schedule to call Ken and congratulate him on his graduation weeks later.
So I keep asking myself, how can I show up for Gretchen when she needs me the most? She’s in the fight of her life here, and I need to do something to help. I need to show up for my friend who has shown up for our me, my kids, my family, her colleagues, and the entire state, without fail.
And then it came to me: I can show up, by sharing our story.
I can let the world know the things about Gretchen only I’ve gotten to know in private. I can make sure everyone knows that not only is she incredibly smart, talented, gifted, titanium strong in her resolve, and ready to lead our state day one, she is also impressively kind, thoughtful, warm, loving, sympathetic and most of all, incredibly generous with her time.
I could present her solid, competent, well vetted and functional plans for the much needed reforms and fixes our state is craving, but I can also direct you to her website for that. Instead, I can let you know when we have talked about policy positions, future legislation and what priorities we should have (should we get the honor of working together), that she is unwavering in her resolve to do what’s right for the people of Michigan. When talking about “wedge issues” like abortion, LGBTQ rights, common sense gun protections, and immigration, Gretchen never flinches. She lets her values lead, and we talk about how to get it done. She doesn’t waver about what is politically expedient, she just talks about doing what is right, and that’s it.
As a political newbie, I’ve often wondered (like many people do) about the kind of sausage making that happens. I’ve always wondered “what do people in power really say behind closed doors?” Well, now that I’ve had a chance to find out first hand, I’m happy to report, Gretchen means what she says. It has been refreshing, to say the least, and the reason that I describe Gretchen as “the real deal.” While she is thoughtful about what she says, prints and puts out publicly (which is a nice contrast to a certain orange menace who can’t form a coherent sentence, stay on message or refrain from being a complete embarrassment every single day…but I digress..) there is also zero ulterior motive, behind the scenes string pulling, or political posturing or pandering going on. Every time we talk, she just wants to focus on helping as many people as possible, and the best ways to get the work done!
I am so incredibly lucky to get to see a side of Gretchen that not everyone gets to see. And perhaps, lifting some of that veil may be one of the best ways I can show up, and counter the narratives being crafted that call into question Gretchen’s loyalties, priorities, abilities and integrity.
Gretchen Whitmer has my vote, my endorsement, my love and gratitude from now until eternity. I have zero doubts about how she is going to lead, who she will champion and which values will guide her decisions. I know, because I’ve already seen it. I’ve seen her work miracles on Medicaid expansion , I’ve seen her show up and fight “Right to Work,” I’ve seen her fight for survivors of domestic violence, not to mention everything else I’ve already talked about.
Gretchen Whitmer has been showing up for us for the last 14 years (even if I only really started paying attention 6 years ago). I cannot wait to see what she will do in the years to come, but I know for a fact, she will do everything she can to make all our lives a little better every day.
Gretchen Whitmer shows up for us. I will show up for her on August 7, 2018. I hope you will, too.
